Dear Young Lady,

Dear Young Lady,

My greatest shock probably in this life was discovering that the heart is not love-shaped as they make it seem everywhere . I remember that day the teacher told us in class and I wanted him to be wrong so badly but I looked around me and realized that it was really true. I don’t believe I have gotten over that shock till date. A couple of other revelations as I grew up showed me that things are not always the way they tell you they are. Did they tell you to be humble and forgiving always? Did they tell you that lazy people suffer in life? Did they tell you to keep your virginity until marriage? Did they tell you about karma? Were you told that following these and other formulae will guarantee you success? Well, like me you’ll come to realize that no one really has the right formula. Sorry!

That thing about being humble always and keeping your anger in check, please, do not follow it literally. You’ll be surprised by how far rage will take you in life. You’ll need rage to keep the government on its toes, to tell your group members to stop playing around and participate equally in your projects; you’ll need it to show at work so people take you seriously. Rage is not always about shouting but fire in your eyes so people know you mean business and are not taking matters lightly. You should be humble and learn from other people; it’s not just respecting your elders and looking the other way when superiors are wrong. You’ll have to be bold and confident in life. In Ghanaian settings, it will most likely be considered as arrogance but it will take you really far. Trust me, not being bold and confident cost me a lot in life.

You’ll be surprised that so-called lazy people are the ones getting on fast in life because they’re always up thinking about how to do things easier and are therefore always more creative.  You have to work smart in life because forward-thinking people and people who are executors are always hot-cake. Prepare yourself to be heart-broken if you think staying up late, starting early and putting all your energy into work is enough to take you to all the places you want to be.  It will only lead you faster into your grave. In this fast-paced world, creativity really  is key. Always do well to take a break and spend time on yourself and family or friends to reflect and release stress.

You’ll discover that finding a partner  or friends who know and accept you for what you are is one of the greatest fulfilments that you’ll ever have in life. You may think Amina is promiscuous but you’ll see her with a man and you’ll be amazed at how brightly their love shines because love does not care. How refreshing is it to know you have people you’re so comfortable with because you do not have to pretend to be someone else!  Please , do not go around shaming people because you think they’re having premarital sex or whatever. No one cares the older you grow, trust me. Please appreciate people who always have your back, are not afraid to tell when you’re wrong and you’re not afraid to face them when you are at your lowest points.

Don’t be surprised to see people getting passed over by karma. You have control over your life so don’t stress over people not getting what they deserve but about you and making the most of life. One thing you’ll learn is that you may be the good guy in your story but in another’s, you are the villain. No one is The Almighty, so please allow Allah  to handle rewards and punishment. Yes, that player settled down with a nice spouse and that lazy person got promoted so quickly. Please, do not worry about those things and have constant heart-aches, you have control over your life so focus on it and let Allah do his work.

Essentially, like me, you’ll have to break down some of the misconceptions you had while growing up. Things are not always the way you’re socialized to believe. All I know and cannot say enough is that there is nothing better than being yourself. Do not be afraid to do you because nobody can play your role better than you. The only constant thing and sure thing in this life is change and whether you like it or not, you’ll have to embrace it.

 

Yours truly,

Niena

ADIOS, SOAP OPERAS!

I can’t stand television soap operas!

Correction – I can’t stand soap operas anymore.

There was a time when I used to anticipate watching these television shows. I watched all of them as long as they were showing and I had the time; Mexican, Filipino, Venezuelan, Brazilian or Korean. I always had the patience for them. Now, I am unable to watch them. The plots have become too familiar and too boring.

This is the most common female protagonist profile; Poor sweet religious woman who is so quick to forgive and so innocent . She is so humble and even at times when she really needs it the most, she will refuse money when she can really swallow her pride and have events turn out for the better. Really? Who turns away from money when it can really solve your problems?

These shows like  fairy tales fill the heads of viewers with illusions when reality can be so different. I have reached a point in my life where I am prepared to pay in order to not watch ads. Wow! Where is the old me who used to live for freebies? Essentially, I feel like I have so little time so every time I spend on something should be making me a better person; I should be unlearning and learning new things. I don’t want to be stuck in a world full of misogyny , emotional blackmail, legal incorrectness, medical inconsistencies and more.

Many times, after a rough day, all I want  to do is relax . I do not deserve to be tortured by these shows again .I am tired! If time is money and money is time, then Soap Operas, you will no longer take my time and therefore my money, I’m gonna use that money to buy me some ice cream.

I Am A Citizen And Not A Spectator

This blog post takes reference from my previous blog post where I lamented my situation of never partaking in major social events-always feeling more like a spectator.

I am happy to say that I have taken one step in the right direction by attending Chale Wote Street Art Festival 2019.

I am finally a citizen. Hurrah! Hurrah!! Hurrah!!!

To Be A Citizen And Not A Spectator

Three years ago, Nana Akuffo Addo, the president of Ghana received a lot of backlash for plagiarizing the speeches of Clinton and Bush, both past presidents of America. Essentially he was asking Ghanaians to be citizens, not spectators or subjects but responsible citizens helping to build our communities and the nation. Plagiarized or not, the message was clear- citizens should participate in the nation-building process.

Over the past year, the speech has been running through my mind a great many times, not necessarily about nation-building but entertainment and other social events. Accra is such a small city and every time, I watch all these entertainment shows that highlight all these happenings in it and think to myself,” That looks like fun.”

When I was younger, I was always too underage for these programmes or too broke to attend them. Now, I see some social media posts my friends share at these events and they don’t seem so unattainable anymore. So these people who go to these programmes, how many heads do they have? Is it not the same one head that I also carry on my shoulders? Why do I feel like I am a spectator and not someone meant to be part of the main show?

A look at some of the events I missed in 2018

Chale-Wote festival came in August – I did not go, then there were many other events in that month.

December, the month of many shows- there seemed to be a widely publicized social event everyday but somehow I missed them all. The ones I remember;

Promiseland was happening in East Legon, twenty minutes from my house; didn’t attend.

Girl Talk by Efya happened; I admired the posters and dodged it.

Manifest had a show with Simi (two of my favourite artists) which I thought about greatly; missed it.

Afrochella- swerved it!

December 2 Remember- I forgot to remember that I could equally attend it.

The list could be longer but the message is clear; I missed all these programmes for what; spectator syndrome or whatever this sickness or antisocialism is called? Well, the good news is I feel that I am overcoming it. 2019 is going to end differently. I may not go for all the events but I intend to break the cycle and be present at one event at least. Me too I am a person no bi.

I Once Took An Uber

I once took an Uber alone . I just confirmed my destination and slept off till I reached it. That’s when I knew it was time to wake up because this wonder I doubt has ever happened in Ghana.

INSTAGRAM TROTRO

The other day after work, I was going through my  posts in a trotro while seated a row in front of a man with a very loud radio. All of us passengers had no choice in the bus but to listen to the preaching coming from the radio which this man had against his ear. So, I was scrolling scrolling down my feeds when I felt a tap. It was Radio Passenger. He told me, “Sister, please can you scroll back up?” He was interested in a fashion ad that had popped up on my screen. I granted him his favour.

#LessonOfLife – There’s no such thing as privacy on public transport.

Is It A Crime To Be Born A Woman?

Photo Credit: freepic

A couple of months ago, I had fears that my brother was going to give me trouble about this marriage issue that other family members are constantly asking since I finished school and started working. My brother can have quite modern views but he made a comment sometime about a woman living single without a man that sank my heart. I could feel that pain Julius Caesar felt that he had to exclaim, “Et tu, Brute!” So, I had psyched myself for tough days ahead from external family and especially this younger close relative until the other day when an observation he made convinced me that he was a feminist after all.

We were sitting in the hall; I was watching a movie and my brother was discussing some future scenarios with our mother. Well, it got to a point and my mother made a comment about me never moving out unless I am getting married. I said nothing and only sighed inwardly. The room was quiet and then my brother remarked that the world could be so unfair to women. Why was it that at every point in her life, the woman was owned by one person or the other, her father or husband? Why could she not be free to do as she wanted without one person or the other feeling so responsible for her? I still did not say anything but I had a very big smile on my face. So, all hope was not lost with my brother.

The situation gets scarier when I think about what some married women go through; they will never be accepted back into their parents’ homes after the wedding day. For better or for worse, they have to make their marriages work. It is crazy, chale! I am just glad that recent times are seeing more and more economic empowerment of women. This means that we women can now have better control of the future and making the most of the one life we each have. Chale, we cannot keep killing our dreams while men are living theirs. So, my dear women out there, I would like to ask a question. Is it our fault that we were born women?

Five Years and Counting

So, it’s been five years since  I started this blog. I know this sounds cliche but really, time flies. It feels like just yesterday when I was this scrawny student (Well, I’m still scrawny) hustling my way through school thinking big dreams in my head.

Have I achieved all those dreams? No. As the days go by , I understand more and more what people mean when they say it’s hard to change the tv channel when you’re married, not to talk of changing the world. I’m not even married but I cannot even blog frequently like I thought I would and juggling relationships and trying to get eight hours of sleep and getting to read all the books and  and and…There are just so many things to do and so little time.

These coming days, I hope that I will be able to keep up with writing. Writing always brought me calm but I realise it is becoming less and less so.I’ll try to finish all those unfinished poems and stories that have been waiting for me. I have quite a backlog to clear and I wonder the state of mind of mind I was in when I started these stories.

Well, while I am alive and full of hope, I’ll try to be a better writer. This will be an interesting challenge in the coming days. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Surah al-Kafirun and Other Matters

Below is an English translation of Surah Al-Kafirun, the 109th verse of the holy Quran.
Say, “O disbelievers,
I do not worship what you worship.
Nor are you worshippers of what I worship.
Nor will I be a worshipper of what you worship.
Nor will you be worshippers of what I worship.
For you is your religion, and for me is my religion.”

No matter how I look at things, I will never be free. I don’t like talking. It’s something one will notice a few minutes after meeting me. I like to make it count when I talk but recent happenings have made me wonder if I really will ever have the freedom to not talk about “maybe unnecessary things.” Is it a punishment that I want to be a Muslim?
When I wear a head-covering, a lot of non-Muslims want to know why I’m wearing it, what would happen if I were to take it off and why other Muslim ladies don’t wear it. That is the main topic for discussion. And then next, they want to know when they will see my hair.
When I’m not wearing a head-covering, a lot of non-Muslims want to know why I’m not wearing it and if I am a practicing Muslim. They always want to know if I also pray five times a day. No matter what, I can never seem to be able to convince them that I am a practising Muslim who just happens not to be wearing a head-covering.
This veil-wearing-or-not is so often the ice-breaker in conversations with new people I meet. Respect comes in many forms; like when you know you’ll not convert to another person’s religion and you pester the person with questions whose answers you already know just to compare notes and decide anyway that your religion is superior. It’s so not cool, people.
You will not be a worshipper of what I worship; neither will I be a worshipper of what you worship. For you is your religion, for me is mine.
I am a Muslimah who likes other things too. Yes, I am Manchester United FC and Real Madrid FC supporter. No, I don’t follow the Game of Thrones seasonal movie. Yes, I think the Game of Thrones books are more awesome. No, I have not listened to all of Kendrick Lamar’s songs. Yes, I think Kendrick’s Humble video is cool. I think Lorde is awesome. I enjoy watching black-and-white movies from the sixties. I am interested in learning to play the violin or piano someday. I can’t decide which Ghanaian season I love most, harmattan or rainy season.
Yes… basically I love other things in addition to my religion.

Prom and Prejudice Review

It’s been a while. I did the equivalent of what people do when they let themselves go with this blog.

All I’ve been doing is just observing. It’s time to write.  Mmmmm…what should I talk about?

Well, I recently read a book titled Prom and Prejudice by Elizabeth Eulberg which takes after Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. In case I have never mentioned this before, I am obsessed with Pride and Prejudice. I have a hard copy of it, soft copies in pdf, epub and mobi formats. Yes, I know. That is how badly I love the book. There can never be an excuse for me not to not be able to read it and I have re-read it so many times and will do so again many more times to come.

As a lover of Jane Austen’s works, I always find myself attracted to other creative works that borrow from her storyline like Prom and prejudice. I did not regret reading this book by Elizabeth Eulberg. The characters were just as interesting and it simplifies the original Pride and Prejudice in about 140 pages.

In a few lines, it tells the story of poor Lizzie who happens to find herself in an expensive private boarding high school called Longbourn Senior High where she is bullied by most of the other students because of her financial background.  Her only two friends happen to be Jane, her roommate and Charlotte, another scholarship student.

In Longbourn, the crowning event of a girl’s stay is to be invited to prom by the perfect guy from Netherfield Boys’ High School wearing the perfect dress. When the story begins, Jane is making plans to go to a party where she gets to meets Charles Bingley, a guy she had been socializing with prior to his semester abroad in England. Though Jane does not admit easily, she is besotted with Charles and hopes that he asks her to prom.  Lizzie is reluctant to go but she agrees to accompany Jane. It is at this party that she meets Will Darcy where she decides she hates him based on a comment he passed to Charles about not wanting to mix with scholarship students.

Jane is annoyed and classifies Will with the other school bullies. She tries to avoid him but somehow fate seems to bring them together. Will is always at the coffee shop where she works and makes it a point to always walk her back to her school. Along comes bubbly Wick who captures Jane’s heart not only with his personality and similar financial status but also their mutual disdain of Will Darcy. When Will asks Lizzie to prom, she explodes and tells him her bottled up feelings about his negative interference in Charles and Jane’s love affair in addition to his unfair treatment of Wick.

Well, I don’t won’t to spoil the book for others.  Somehow Lizzie and Will are able to work out their problems and feelings. The End!

As I said earlier, I enjoyed it. It’s a fluffy read but it’s well written; the grammar is good and the conversations are interesting. I’ll recommend it to other Pride and Prejudice lovers, people who have heard of this famous Pride and Prejudice and don’t have the heart to read the original , people looking to be entertained for a short while, people interested in reading this blog, people who like me, lol.

It’s a good book, simple. Hopefully, I get to keep up with updating this blog.